And here I am, becoming a leftover of my own mistake ..

 

She tried a lot to comprehend or rationalize why men on this planet became this way, and while thoroughly thinking about it, flashbacks of her past relationship kept flowing in front of her as if it was a tape. She remembered every time she gave chances and got disappointed, but that wasn't what made her get too involved in the thought, it was that she remembered her first true love, Adam, and how he used to pamper her and always payed attention to their relationship, how keen he was on always breaking the routine and doing something new, so that neither of them would get bored. While thinking about the matter, she remembered what she never wanted to remember; it was a memory she buried deep down her soul, and promised herself she'll never visit it's grave again, but it wasn't a choice now, she's already there, in front of the grave, standing all alone. She started crying, remembering how happy they could've been together now if she haven't given up on the whole relationship, if she just fought more and showed him she wasn't as cold as she seemed, that she was just passing through a hard time at home and didn't want him to get involved. She was afraid, it was his senior year and that this would distract him from concentrating, but he never knew this, only she knows, only she is the one carrying this hell of a burden in her heart and soul. She thought of how crazy she was to keep tracking his life events; knowing yesterday about his latest job, and his new baby. She kept crying because she thought she is a leftover of her own mistake, and she's the only one to be blamed for how she's feeling right now. She then wiped away her tears and replied to her friend's call who has been calling her for half an hour now, while she was overwhelmed with her own notorious thoughts. She put on her make up, her fake smile, his favorite dress on, and started socializing with the people whom she saw all as Adam sitting in front of her.

She tried a lot to comprehend or rationalize why men on this planet became this way, and while thoroughly thinking about it, flashbacks of her past relationship kept flowing in front of her as if it was a tape. She remembered every time she gave chances and got disappointed, but that wasn’t what made her get too involved in the thought, it was that she remembered her first true love, Adam, and how he used to pamper her and always payed attention to their relationship, how keen he was on always breaking the routine and doing something new, so that neither of them would get bored. While thinking about the matter, she remembered what she never wanted to remember; it was a memory she buried deep down her soul, and promised herself she’ll never visit it’s grave again, but it wasn’t a choice now, she’s already there, in front of the grave, standing all alone.
She started crying, remembering how happy they could’ve been together now if she haven’t given up on the whole relationship, if she just fought more and showed him she wasn’t as cold as she seemed, that she was just passing through a hard time at home and didn’t want him to get involved. She was afraid, it was his senior year and that this would distract him from concentrating, but he never knew this, only she knows, only she is the one carrying this hell of a burden in her heart and soul.
She thought of how crazy she was to keep tracking his life events; knowing yesterday about his latest job, and his new baby.
She kept crying because she thought she is a leftover of her own mistake, and she’s the only one to be blamed for how she’s feeling right now. She then wiped away her tears and replied to her friend’s call who has been calling her for half an hour now, while she was overwhelmed with her own notorious thoughts. She put on her make up, her fake smile, his favorite dress on, and started socializing with the people whom she saw all as Adam sitting in front of her.

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Hagar Ashmawy

A passionate clinical pharmacist who loves writing and indugles in reading

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